My journey was not an easy one.

This years Hari Raya is just around the corner . It is exactly just 12 days to go . Even this I heard over the TV this morning . I do not realize that we have been fasting for 18 days . Perhaps it is because I am getting old and I am no more eager to celeberate Hari Raya . I guess I do not enjoy Hari Raya as the others do .

Even when I was a kid I did not really enjoy Hari Raya . I could still remember vividly, for us ( me and my siblings , 7 of us ) Hari Raya was just like any other days except that perhaps we were served with meat either chicken or beef as part of the menu . Chicken or beef became part of the menu only twice a year , that was during Hari Raya Idilfitri and Hari Raya Idiladzha / Haji . No Hari Raya clothes for us . Our clothes were just the two pairs of our school uniforms. What a pathetic situation for us . My children may not believe this but I am not ashamed to admit that it is true .Sometimes I would cry if I reminisce of my younger days . I do not blame anyone for the predicaments we were in . My father was just a taxi driver and later became a bus driver while my mother was just a housewife . With a meagre income ( RM.150.00 per month ) it was not enough for our parents to support the seven of us . Being the eldest in the family I felt it was incumbent upon me not to burden them any more and I wanted to get a job as soon as possible . Fortunately for me I did quite well in my Secondary School Entrance Exams ( or UPSR as is known today ) and so was awarded a Federal Minor Scholarship by the Ministry of Education which entitled me to an allowance of RM.30.00 per month .It was in the 1960s and the amount was quite big at that time . My secondary education ( Form 1 - Form 5 ) was practically financed by the scholarship . From there on I changed my mind and determined not only to have a secondary school education but also to proceed further to have a tertiary education .

Nevertheless my journey was not an easy one . All along the way there were challenges I had to face which I am not going to discuss about it here .

Our daughter Farin who is studying at UTM Scudai , Johor would be back on 10th October 2007 for Hari Raya . She is expected to be home till the 20th. October 2007 . At first we were a bit worried that she would not be able to get a bus ticket home because it was announced recently over the TV and the press that there would be a shortage of buses due to the boycot by some bus companies .The bus companies were not satisfied with the government of strict enforcement actions by the JPJ. I would not allow her to drive home because of the distance and the congested roads which could pose danger to her safety. However a few days ago Farin rang up and informed us that she had bought her bus ticket . I guess we would have to send her back to campus on the 20th October . My wife too would want to visit her family in JB too .

The fish rots from it's head .

The former Deputy Prime Minister Dato Sri Anwar Ibrahim recently ( on 18th.Sept.2007 )revealed the video tape of a conversation between a senior lawyer and a personality who is believed to be the present Chief Justice . The said lawyer was said to have brockered the promotions of certain Judges including the present CJ. This was said to have taken place in 2002 but the VCD was just recently handed over by an informant to Partai Keadilan Rakyat Malaysia ( PKR ) .Incidentally what was said to have been brockered really did came through .What a coincidence ? I don't really think that that was just a coincident .However that made me wonder how powerful was that Indian lawyer . By the way the same lawyer was photographed holidaying in New Zealand with the previous Chief Justice some times ago . I was so curious to know about it and so surf on the internet (tube) which viewed the recordings . I was shocked to know that this state of affair could have really taken place in the highest institution of this country -the institutions which was supposed to be the guardian of the people - the Court . This is supposed to be the last institution where the people could hope for . But now it is all gone . Most of us have lost confidence in the judiciary . Where else could we go to seek redress to our problems since they are now not to be trusted ? What could have happened to the former DPM's trial , the Air Molek case and so many other high profile cases ? They were all craps .

The problem of cronyism and nepotism actually became prominent during the previous PM's eror . Apparently, the same PM was in power in year 2002 . With due respect to the previous PM , although he has done a lot of good things to the country , he has also brought the country into disrepute . In those days cronyism and nepotism was the order of the day . It happened in all government departments and in almost all aspects of life . Getting a job or a promotion was not based on what you know but was rather on whom you know . I could still remember vividly around the same year when my name was submitted by the Personnel Department of my Department to be recomended for a promotion but was turned down not once , but 3-4 times by the then IGP and his ' Promotion Board ' . This was confidentially revealed to me later by a very senior officer . Finally they had to transfer me to Port Dickson on a lateral basis .I could still remember when I was called to Bukit Aman to attend a briefing prior to my departure to PD where the then IGP himself told me that he was sending me to Port Dickson to learn about ' PR ' ( public relations ) . That was his exact word that he told me .What the hell he was talking about PR when I was then already a Superintendant and had been holding positions of OCPDs and Dy. OCPDs and had met and dealt with people of various capacities . Obviously he was implying that I did not know to take care of him and his bunch of cronies . Well that's it . I lost confidence in him but I still went to Port Dickson as OCPD but under protest .That means I would work according to the book . I was also ready to submit my application for early retirement if situation warranted me to do so .

While I was there as OCPD I refused to bow down to political pressures . The UMNO people hated me so much . On one occassion the UMNO of Teluk Kemang applied for a permit to have a funfare in order to collect money for their party's fund . I refused to give them the permit on security ground because normally whenever there was a funfare or anything of that sort , our crime statistic would shoot up . It would also lure youths from the nearby towns to come to PD and commit various crimes such as thefts , especially theft of motor cycles and create social problems . On another occassion ,the UMNO people were not happy with me because I approved permits for the opposition to have political ceramahs . They were not happy because according to them I should not have allowed political ceramahs as it was not election time . I told them that there was no law that forbid political ceramahs during other than election time and that they could also applied for the same permit to counter their ceramahs , if they wished . They refused to do that and they assumed that I was an opposition sympathiser . Infact I did not . I was just doing my job following by the book . As enshrined in Article 10 of the Federal Constitution , the people has the right to an assembly and to express their views/feelings . As a result of that they complained to my CPO , Bukit Aman and even to the Prime Minister himself . By then the PM was Dato Sri Abdullah Badawi . Soon after they spread rumours that I was to be transferred out of PD . I could still remember one day I received a call from the ADC of the PM informing me that the PM wanted to see me in his hotel room at the Regency Hotel during one of his visits to PD . I braved myself and went to see him in his hotel room . I told him that I refused to allow myself to be pulled by the nose by anybody and was just doing my job . I thought he understood my position and accepted my explaination since he did not make any comment . To my surprise a few weeks later I received a transfer order to Bukit Aman but with a promotion . I think they had no where else to send me and because of my seniority ( more than 8 years as a Superintendant ) in my rank , they had no choice but to promote me , otherwise I would create more problems for them .

That was then the scenario . The moral behind this story is that , it is no surprise it also happened in the judiciary as reported recently . True to the saying which says the fish rots from it's head .

Holy month of Ramadhan begins .

The holy month of Ramadhan begins on 13th September 2007 . It is the month when Muslims would fast ( abstain from taking food and drink and from indulging in activities considered sinful ) . Our age too is getting older and we do not know how many more Ramadhans we would encounter . My prayers to God have always been that I should be able to see my children or if it is possible my grand children too , grow and be on their own feet .

We went to the local mosque on the eve ( 12th. September 2007 )of the holy month of Ramadhan for the tarawikh prayers . The crowd was unusually large as large as the normal Friday prayers . The remarkably peculiar site was the number of women attending the prayers . It was almost 1/4 th. of the total concregation . The atmosphere inside the mosque was a bit unbearably hot . Obviously , the fans were not enough to make it cool . I was profusely sweating as if I was ploughing the padi field . I guess I would have to change my clothes every day ,otherwise the aroma from it would not be nice the the men next to me . I would also have to choose a position near to the fan or to the door for my next prayer at that mosque . Any way I could perform only 8 ' rakaat ' of tarawikh prayers due to my wife's leg which was in pain . I too have not fully recovered from my knee pain . However I completed my ' tarawikh ' and ' witir ' prayers at home after that .

Back to the village .

We ( me and my wife ) went back to my kampong yesterday ( 3rd.September 2007 ) after more than a year since we were last there . Nothing much changes there . The so called coastal highway roads were still incomplete after about 5 years since it began constructions . There were pot holes every where and the ongoing constructions were very slow .The contractors seemed to be taking their sweet time to complete the upgrading of the roads . I do not know how much of the tax payers money were unscruplously spent for their dubious job . I hope the government of Abdullah Badawi would look into this matter seriously because the people have been waiting for a long time for the completion of the roads . Do not take for granted of the simple kampong people that they would always vote for the BN government . They are now the new generation , well read and well informed kampong people who would shift their loyalty whenever the need arises .

Reaching the kampong , we straight went to the grave of my late beloved grandmother . We recited ' alfatihah ' and prayed that she would rest in peace and be among the faithfuls in heaven .After that we went to the kampong house where my mother lives by herself . She stubbornly stuck to the house although we would prefer she live with us .

We were updated of developments in our family . My brother Samson at 56 , brought his Indonesian girlfriend home to the kampong . Apparently we were told that he was not in talking terms with his wife for more than 4 years now . That probably prompted him to start an affair with the Indonesian lady . He was also not in the good books of our mother now because he had caused a misunderstanding between my brother in-law Makmor and her . It all started when my mother suggested ( this suggestion was told to my brother Samson only ) that my sister Fadzilah should named the inheritants to her property since she and her husband were childless . My mother obviously had in mind that she named her favourite grandchildren ie. my sister Narimah's children . The problem with my mother is that she practices favouritism on her grandchildren . My mother did not expect that Samson would tell Makmor of her suggestion .As a result of that , Makmor felt some one else outside was out to interfere into his family affairs . When Fadzilah came to know of the suggestion she too was not very pleased with my mother .

The above happened because of greed of worldly wealth . My mother should not have interfered into the affairs of my brother-in-law's family . The property of his wife, is his prerogative . It is up to him to decide who should inherit .

I am happy and relieved now because I have settled whatever misunderstandings I had with my mother . I had asked for forgiveness by kissing her hands if I had done any mistake or hurt her feelings ( although to my mind I had none ) . Now that our relationship is good , I hope she would not start a new row with me any more .