My childhood life .

In a few days , Muslims would welcome the month of Ramadhan when we would fast ie. refrain from food and water from dawn to dusk for a month. Besides we would also refrain ourselves from committing sins and instead do as much good deeds as we could . Ramadhan is a holy month for Muslims for on the 27th.of Ramadhan our Prophet Muhammad received his first reveilation from God . Thus, this month is very significant to all Muslims throughout the world .At the end of Ramadhan we would then celeberate the Idilfitri .

Reminicsing , my childhood days during Ramadhan and Idilfitri sometimes I would cry and then would wonder with awe how I could rid myself out of that situation . I also thank God for turning me into what I am today . Life in this country during the pre Merdeka days was deplorably pathetic . The majority of the people lived in poverty including my family . Infact ,we belong to the hard core poor . My father had no proper job and it was only when I was about 10 years old that he got a job as a bus driver . With a meagre salary he had to support the 7 of us ( 4 brothers and 2 sisters ) .Luckily we lived in the village and we suppliment our parent's income by breeding chicken and growing vegetable ,tapioca ,sweet potato ,maize etc . So , we did not have to buy vegetables ,sweet potato,maize ,eggs and chickens . We had to be very careful on our spending .We understood our parent's predicament and as such did not demand much .Good food like chicken and meat was something of a luxury in nature and we would get them only during Idilfitri/Idiladha or if there is a kenduri or wedding in the village . To us clothes was only the 2 pairs of school uniform each that we had . New clothes for Idilfitri was not in our vocabulary.In other words we did not celeberate the occasion except stayed home hiding ourselves from others . I remember each time I became sad ,I used to console myself by telling myself that my turn to celeberate would be when I would be successful in my studies and in life later on . Due to my hard work I was quite good in my studies and I won a Federal Minor Scholarship for RM.30.00 per month from Form 1 till I complete my Senior Cambridge School Certificate .That certainly helped alleviate our financial problems .When I continued my studies at UPM Serdang I was sponsored by the Ministry of Agriculture .Thus ,I did not depend on my parents to finance my education . Because of my experience ,I am quite careful with my expenses even up to this day.And that has taught me that God will not change our destiny ,except we ourselves .It is up to us to work hard in order to be successful with out lives . I have proven that . That too has taught me to be humble and to care for the unfortunates . Because life is like a cycle .Today you may be somebody but tomorrow you might be nobody .

I am thankful to God for bestowing upon me a good successful life ,good health and good and intelligent children who do not have to undergo the sort of life I had undergone .

No one can escape death .

This morning I received a talephone call from Encik Zainal a former subordinate at the Forfeiture of Property Division ,Narcotics Department where I was then it's Director prior to my retirement, ( he retired 8 months ago ),informing me that Dato' Mohd.Nor Hamat ,the Deputy Director of Management (Training),Royal Malaysia Police ,Bukit Aman , had passed away this morning at the age of 55 . I know this officer quite well because we once worked together .He was a good officer ,a humble and sincere person .He was transferred out immediately out of Selangor a few years ago due to some allegations .Since then he was a sad person .Although ,officially he died due to heart failure , I beleive, his death was also due to worries and shame . He was a very ambitious person ,and when he realised that there was no hope to achieve his wish , he bacame sad and hopeless .When you are worried and sad , normally diseases set in.At this age ( I mean 50 and above ) one should accept the fact that it is a bit too late to be ambitious .The problem with some individuals , they do not want to accept that fact .I have noticed quite a number of my colleagues who were too ambitious ( gila pangkat ) , died hopeless .Is it worth with the pangkat when you have to leave your loved ones while they are not yet ready to fend for themselves ? I always beleive that I must be grateful to God for giving me enough bounties ( rezeki ) and bestowing upon me good health.Of course where wealth is concerned there is no limit to it .But to me enough is enough for health is equally important . I am not afraid of death ,because none of us could escape from it .My wish - insyallah , is to live to the optimum age ,so that I am ready with enough knowledge ( religious ) and had done enough good deeds and to see my children and my grandchildren successful in their lives ,before I could die peacefully .Any way it is all in God's hands .We could only plan, He disposes .But I hope God would be merciful to me and grant me all my wishes .

A harrowing experience at the Government Health Centre and the Hospital.

On 5th.Sept.2005 my wife asked me to send her to the Pusat Kesihatan (Government Health Centre) Seksyen 7,Shah Alam because she thought she was sick. The doctor at the Centre did a scanty examination on her and then told her that there was nothing wrong with her. I brought her home but I noticed her condition was not getting any better .So , on 7th.Sept. 2005 I sent my wife to a private hospital - the Darul Ehsan ,at Seksyen 9,Shah Alam for a second opinion . They did a thorough examination and the doctor told us that she was suspected to have dengue fever . Because she was entitled to a 1st.Class Ward in a government hospital , she was referred to Hospital Tengku Ampuan Rahimah,Klang for further treatment .Unfortunately when she reached there , not only she was deprived of her 1st.Class Ward , she was made to lie on a extra bed which was placed in the centre of the ward just like she was in a refugee camp. The explaination given was the doctor wanted to contain all the dengue fever sufferers to a ward for easy monitoring .The explaination was ridiculous and unacceptable - mere lazy bums on the part of the doctors .Any way I do not want to make hue and cry over the matter because to me the most important thing was for my wife to be treated well and to be able to come home in one piece. While my wife was in the hospital I felt like getting sick .At first I thought I could have been struck with the same fever. After taking in 2 pills of Panadol 650 , my fever finally went away .Thank God it was not dengue .

On 10th, Sept.2005 I went to the University Malaya to register for my second semester of Pengajian al Quran. I was told a number of well qualified persons too registered themselves for the 1st. Semester . There was a professor ( from a Science discipline) , a few engineers and also a CEO of a public listed company.Like me , they are looking forward to read and understand the holy Quran .

On 11th. Sept.2005 morning together with my eldest son Saiful Aizad and his wife and daughter we sent my daughter Eileen to the airport for her flight to Dublin ,Ireland where she is studying medicine .She is continuing her second year course .My wife was unable to make it because she was still in the hospital .Bon voyage and a safe journey.I hope she would not waste any more time because the 3 months holidays was long enough for her to 'rest' . The next 9 months or so should be treated as a battle to achieve success . As most learned people says success do not come easy .One has to work really hard to achieve 'real success'.She should realize that her old man had sacrificed whatever little cash he has in his savings for her to study and live comfortably in Dublin. So I hope she would not let me down.My only wish is for her to be thankful to God for giving this opportunity to study medicine overseas under a JPA scholarship for getting it was not that plain sailing .

When I reached home I received a call from my wife informing me that she was allowed to go home . She could have pestered the doctor to allow her to go home because she could not stand the noises in the ward caused by the rowdy estate visitors - she could not sleep for the past few days.

Entry made on 13th Sept.2005.

At home she did not fully recovered .She was still tired and could not do anything except lie down in bed .I had to do all the household chores and it was very tiring .She was only a bit better today , even that she is still exempted from cooking .

Pejuang kemerdekaan yang sebenar dipinggirkan dalam lipatan Sejarah negara ini.

Merdeka, merdeka,merdeka. Bersyukur ke hadzrat Allah SWT kerana negara Malaysia kini sebuah negara yang merdeka ,bebas dari cengkaman penjajah dan menikmati faedah pembangunan .Dalam kita berbangga dan menikmati hasil pembangunan, kita seharusnya jangan lupa kapada pejuang kemerdekaan kita yang telah banyak berkorban demi mahu melihat negara ini bebas dan merdeka. Maksud saya bukan mengingati kapada mereka yang dikatakan memerdekakan negara ini saperti yang tercatat didalam buku-buku sejarah saperti yang diajarkan di sekolah-sekolah hari ini . Apa yang tercatat di buku-buku sejarah sekolah adalah cerita-cerita dari perspektif kerajaan UMNO yang sememangnya mahu menonjolkan peranan yang mereka mainkan sahaja ,sementara memperkecilkan peranan pihak-pihak lain yang tidak sehaluan dengan mereka .

Untuk pengetahuan anak-anakku dan cucu-cucuku dan siapa sahaja yang membaca halaman ini, sebenarnya semangat kemerdekaan di negara kita ini telah wijud jauh lebih lama dari tahun-tahun sewaktu UMNO pimpinan Dato Onn Jaafar dan Tengku Abdul Rahman ditubuhkan . Umno ditubuhkan dengan direstui pihak penjajah British pada tahun 1946 , sedangkan api kemerdekaan telah lama dikobar-kobarkan oleh pejuang kemerdekaan saperti Datuk Maharajalela, Datuk Sagor, Tok Bahaman,Mat Lela,Mat Kilau, Tok Janggut dan lain-lain. Dalam tahun 1930an disambung pula oleh pejuang-pejuang saperti Ibrahim Yaakub,Ishak Hj.Muhammad( Pak Sako), Dr.Burhanuddin Hilmi, Prof.Zulkifli Muhammad dan lain-lain . Mereka inilah yang telah menubuhkan Partai politik yang pertama iaitu Kesatuan Melayu Muda ( KMM )pada Mei 1937 di Kampong Baru,Kuala Lumpur sehingga ianya diharamkan oleh pihak penjajah Jepun pada tahun 1942 kerana ia menjadi ancaman kapada mereka .Kemudian pada 17 Oktober 1942 ditubuhkan pula Partai Kebangsaan Melayu Malaya (PKMM) di Ipoh . PKMM terdiri dari gabungan pertubuhan-pertubuhan :-

1. Angkat Pemuda Insaf ( API ) yang dipimpin Ahmad Boestamam.

2.Angkatan Wanita Sedar ( AWAS ) yang dipimpin Shamsiah Fakeh.

3.Barisan Tani Malaya (BATAS) yang dipimpin oleh Musa Ahmad.

4.Jabatan Kerja Melayu (JKM) yang dipimpin Alimin dan Abdullah CD.

5.Hizbul Muslimin yang dipimpin Us.Abu Bakar al Baqir dan Dr.Burhanuddin al Hilmi.

6.Gerakan Angkatan Muda (GERAM) yang dipimpin A.Aziz Ishak.

7.Kesatuan Buruh seMalaya pimpinan Abdullah CD.

8.Pan Malayan Federation of Trade Union pimpinan Abdullah CD.

9.Kesatuan Opera Melayu

10.Persatuan Pemandu Teksi

11.Majlis Agama Tertinggi se Malaya (MATA) pimpinan Abu Bakat al Baqir.

Apabila penjajah British kembali menjajah negara ini mereka telah menganjurkan penubuhan UMNO pada 11 Mei 1948 yang boleh bekerjasama dengan mereka . PKMM adalah sebuah partai politik yang enggan bekerjasama dengan pihak penjajah dan kewujudannya menjadi ancaman kapada mereka . Pada 18 Jun 1948 PKMM diharamkan oleh penjajah . Bekas ahli PKMM tiada jalan lain selain menyertai UMNO, sebahagian yang lain pula menyertai Partai PETA( Pembela Tanah Air ) yang ditubuhkan selepas PKMM diharamkan dan sebilangan kecil bergabung dengan pihak Komunis di hutan untuk memulakan perjuangan gerila . Saya cukup menyanjung pengorbanan mereka yang yang saya nyatakan saperti diatas kerana pengorbanan mereka adalah sangat ikhlas dan jujur .Mithalnya Ishak Hj.Muhamad seorang pelajar lepasan Malay College MCKK, Kuala Kangsar yang kemudiannya menjadi seorang Majistret , boleh hidup senang jika terus bekerja dengan penjajah , tetapi memilih untuk bekerja sebagai wartawan dimana beliau boleh menggunakan mata penanya untuk membakar semangat orang Melayu pada masa itu .Begitu juga dengan Ahmad Boestamam yang sanggup merengkok dalam penjara penjajah berpuluh tahun lamanya kerana enggan bekerjasama dengan mereka . Pada masa itu kebanyakkan orang Melayu cenderung dengan pemaham Presiden Soekarno untuk menubuhkan Empayar Melayu yang dipanggil Melayu Raya meliputi Indonesia, Malaya, Singapura,Sabah,Sarawak ,Brunei Filipina dan Pattani ( Selatan Thailand ). Takutkan ianya akan menjadi ancaman, pihak penjajah mengharamkan PKMM dan menaja penubuhan UMNO yang setuju/patuh dengan mereka - itulah cara ' pecah dan perintah ' ( divide and rule ) . Beberapa pejuang negara ini terpaksa lari ke Indonesia kerana mereka dikehendaki tangkap oleh penjajah Inggeris .Mithalnya Ibrahim Hj.Yaakub yang menyertai TNI ( Tentera Nasional Indonesia ) hingga menjadi seorang General .Beliau meninggal dunia di Indonesia .

Mereka ibarat lilin yang membakar diri dan terpinggir dalam lipatan sejarah serta tidak diketahui oleh generasi baru .Harapan saya satu hari nanti sejarah ini akan diperbetulkan , kerana tiada siapa boleh membohongi sejarah .